Manic Monday Gospel

Stumbling along this Monday morning...

God,

"Once again it is another week where I am plotting to not fail. Plotting to get so much done that I can be a success come Friday. Plotting to workout more to feel like I’m getting better (as I eat my Asiago bagel with cream cheese…).

It’s Monday, and as one who has no “boss” day to day I have no excuse for my lack of performance. No one is holding me back this week. Nothing is really in the way. 

But there is one thing. There is me. There is the fact that I know I should have woken up at 6am this morning, and in fact I did. But I stayed there and even heard “a little sleep a little slumber and poverty will overcome you…”. Still I stayed in bed and wasted an hour of life on my phone, turning the brightness down and squinting to read all the brilliance posted in the middle of the night on Facebook.  

I know I should have done that seven minute workout. Only SEVEN freaking minutes. Why not? Because I didn’t feel like it. 

I know last night I should have played legos more with Knox and gotten off my phone, nothing keeping me on it, except to get a like to make up for the unlike of my guilt of being a lazy dad. 

That’s my problem, I keep NOT doing what I’m supposed to do, even what I deep down want to. That’s why I have no hope for Friday. Friday will probably be like Monday. Believing I will eventually get better, I will eventually be ruthlessly disciplined, but for now, I’m just a slacker. I’ll be a beast at life one day... 

Help me get the gospel right now God, I can't stay here. 

Jesus, I’ve already proven by 6am this morning, that this week I can’t do it. I can’t keep even keep my own little laws. There is no way I can have it together enough by Friday to have real joy, real meaning. Right now I am starting this week off in need of you. I have already forgotten the gospel I preached yesterday.

It’s hard to believe but, you aren’t waiting for me to prove I can have an “ideal week”. You aren’t waiting for me to become a beast at getting things done. You aren’t waiting to “play legos” with me until I “clean up my room”. You are meeting me right now in my mess, my ADD, my procrastination, my apathy. Thank you for covering me and freeing me. Thank you that I get to go to work with you today, not for you. I don’t have to measure up to a performance review from you. 

Thank you that you died for my sin. Especially thankful right now that even the sins I miss, the stuff I minimize, gloss over you have died for. I don’t even know a fraction of what you died for really. I see the “big train wreck sins” but I miss the snooze button ones. The one’s when you whisper to get up and come hang out with you and I choose my phone. 

To think that you respond to me with grace and up your pursuit of me leaves me wanting you. 

Thank you that I don’t have to repent enough to get grace but you're giving enough grace for me to repent, right now. I love you God, I’m sorry. Change me as we go to work together this week.”

For more on living out of a God given identity or living to get one in your own effort check out our current series, A NEW WAY TO BE HUMAN.

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